Monday, May 25, 2015

Almost done

There it is. Almost everything that I own is in the corner of my apartment living room. I will admit that it struck me for a moment, just how small of a space that really is, but after a little while (and a few lovely words from friends), I'm actually pretty happy about it. You see, all that stuff is important in one way or another. Nothing in that corner is a frivolous item or just something to collect dust. When I look at it that way, this corner is overflowing with greatness.

That's not to say that some of it will still find new homes before I move, but in the meantime, it's all being used.

Thursday is the "big day" of getting everything transferred to my temporary place in Leicester. I'll get to do the walk-through on Friday morning and will spend the rest of Friday getting settled a little bit. After that, I'll likely chill out with the cats and get some much-needed rest. While knitting, of course.

On another note, do you know what day this is? Will you have a moment of silence today in remembrance of all who have died? I am so very lucky that I have not lost anyone during a war and I know that I cherish that knowledge more than I can express. But I do know people who aren't so lucky. People I love have lost friends and brothers-in-arms. My heart goes out to them on a regular basis, but even more so on this day. so, if you're having a cookout or family gathering or anything like that, please take a moment and remember why the day is special.

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Emptiness isn't sadness

As I continue to clean out boxes and closets I keep coming across things that I've not laid eyes on since I left Ohio. My loom, for example, has been in a box safe & sound, while my life continued having its chaos and quiet. I'll be keeping it because I know that I will return to weaving in the next year and will certainly do so once I'm on the road.

I also came across a folder of maps. My first reaction was to throw them all away without looking at them, but I took the time to study each one and, in my mind's eye, drive the routes that were drawn out. It made me smile to think about how I needed these hand-drawn maps to get around to places when I first moved to Ohio. Most of my driving before then had been pretty straight-forward and in a place that I'd pretty much grown up with. But Ohio! The roads separated, then connected somewhere else, they curved and made odd jogs to the side and I was more nervous about getting lost than I'd ever been in the desert. So I looked over the pages and smiled with the memories of that time in my life. Then I put them into the recycling bin with just a slight twinge of sadness that I'll not have those kinds of things in my life again. But it wasn't a regretful sadness. Instead it was the kind that you feel when you've moved on into the next part of your life. And the empty space inside feels more like peace than sorrow.

Yellow Iris
I've released so many things lately, both physically and emotionally, and it feels almost as if I can feel the layers falling away as the bright new blossom emerges. And, while I have no idea what the future holds for me, I do know that I will face it with as much grace as I can, with as many smiles as I can, and with as much hope as I can.

For now, I am still packing and cleaning and getting ready to move. I know that it seems like I've been doing this forever, but it's good to take my time for once, going through things with an eye toward how it will fit into my life on the road, and how I will use it. Little by little I'm getting all of my belongings into a smaller and smaller space. At this point, I could fit all of my furniture and boxes into the living room and still have space to walk around comfortably (not counting the kitchen stuff like the washer & dryer). It's a good start.

I hope that you all have a lovely weekend and are filled with a peaceful heart.


Tuesday, May 05, 2015

Learning...

I've discovered that I'm now in a learning phase. Learning not to turn to Brianna when I have something to share with her, learning that I have to remind myself to eat at mealtime, learning that the house feels different when I sleep at night. I'm also learning that I need to take the time to work through this and not just blast past it. Of course there are going to be changes. Of course there are going to be moments when I miss my kids so much that my heart breaks from it. But there will also be moments when I go out for tea with a friend and talk about Airstreams and motor homes. There will be times when I take an early shower and plop down to read and knit for the remainder of the evening. There will be times of great peace.

Brianna is discovering her own identity as an adult. My wish for her is that she holds onto the best part of herself no matter what. My wish for her is that she finds a gentler path than me. My wish for her is that she always has a ready smile.

Anthony is rediscovering parts of himself that were lost in that far away desert. My wish for him is that he finds peace in his soul. My wish for him is that he regains that laughter that was so prevalent in the years past. My wish for him is that he discovers that he has always been wonderful.

My next step is the move to Leicester. There are still so many things to take care of before it happens, but I think it will be just fine. After all, the next big adventure awaits, right?