Thursday, February 27, 2014

Late night thoughts...

I sit here in the quiet gloom of the late evening, awake for the umpteenth time tonight, and I think about all the things that have happened since I moved. So many negative things pop up. At one time I'd have pushed them aside and try to focus on only the good things, but tonight I'm letting them in. I've come to think that the more I push them away, the harder they will be to deal with later. This way I can acknowledge them and give them their moment then let them go. I think this is one way to avoid slipping into depression, which is knocking on my doors and windows lately.

Some of the things going through my head are deeply personal and I won't put them out here. I will only say that, when you go through life expecting only good things, it's a hell of a blow when the bad stuff happens. Even so, I don't know if it's better to be hopeful and feel the hurt or to be pessimistic and and just expect the bad things. I don't know if it's possible for me to be pessimistic for very long. 

I'm glad for the jobs that I now have even though they leave me with very little time for other, very important things. I'm falling into bed at night with chores not completed, orders not mailed, yarn not dyed, and Market America prospects not followed up on. And when I wake, I wake already tired and running low on energy. 

I recognize that something has to give or it will all come crashing down around me. Looking at my options... the two jobs are needed to cover the bills, Alina Shea Creations is needed to feed my spirit, and Market America holds potential for the future. Certainly not an easy choice, but I'll think about it over the weekend and see what my heart tells me.

I'm supposed to meet with some folks this weekend. Nothing elaborate, just coffee and conversation. I know that I "should" screen them as potential MA people. I know that I "should" talk with them about the business plan and the ways that TLS can help others with their health as well as make money. I know that I "should" stay focused on getting more people recruited. But right now... that is the farthest thing from what I want. It's the last thing my spirit wants to focus on. I simply want to meet people and establish friendships.

Even so, I know that decisions shouldn't be made when you've not slept well for several days. I do hope morning brings a brighter focus. 

No comments:

Post a Comment