Thursday, March 07, 2013

Growing?

A Winter's WalkToday I heard a word that I'd never heard before and it started me thinking about what it really meant and how I could use it.

Maitrī. 

The translation I heard was "unconditional friendship with self." When I looked it up I found similar meanings.
Thinking about this most of the morning made my head swirl with ideas and emotions. I broke it all down and thought about each part by itself then put it all back together to see how it rolled around my mind.

Unconditional. adjective, 1: not conditional or limited : absolute, unqualified <unconditional surrender> <unconditional love>

To love myself unconditionally would mean that I would still love myself when I make mistakes. When I do something that causes harm to my inner core. When I don't feel worthy of being loved (perhaps most important). When I feel negative emotions toward other people. When I don't live up to my full potential. When I feel jealousy, rage, disdain, depression, impatience, and, yes, even hatred. I would have to love myself through all of these things. The things I forgive other people for exhibiting. The things I love other people through. If I can love someone else when they are less than perfect, why shouldn't I love myself during those times, too? This doesn't mean that I would encourage those thoughts of anger, it doesn't mean that I want my loved ones to be less than they can be, it only means that I love them through it. And that I will be there for them when they need me.

I would need to do this for Me.

Friendship. noun, 1: the state of being friends (one attached to another by affection or esteem)

Being in a friendship with myself seems like such an odd idea, but why not? Why not give myself that gift? Why wouldn't I? Being a friend to my Self would mean that I would listen (to my intuition), inspire, do little things to bring a smile, value opinions, and encourage myself to treat myself well. Other people do these things, I do them with other people.

I would need to do this for Me.

Self. noun, 1 a : the entire person of an individual

The entire person. Every bit of myself. The bad, the horrid, the beautiful, the spiritual. All of it. The desolation and darkness, the ecstasy and the illumination, the burning tears and the unfeigned laughter, the judgmentalism and the acceptance. All of it. The coldness and the fire, the hatred and the love. All of it. I would have to include every bit of me. Even the disagreeable parts. I can do this for the people I love. I have done it for the people I love (though, to be honest, I don't think they are capable of really hating another human being).

I would need to do this for Me.

-

Putting it all back together... Can I do this for myself? Can I really have an unconditional friendship with myself? Perhaps it is my struggle with this concept that keeps me from believing that someone could have an unconditional friendship or love with me. Sometimes I see the brightest glow of renewal and hope for Me. Other times I struggle to see the  beauty inside. 

At this moment, I will hold my inner Self with the tender compassion I hold my loved ones. And I will think of building a better friendship with Me.

No comments:

Post a Comment