Sixteen years ago I was holding this precious child in my arms as I drifted in and out of sleep. She was warm and took such small breaths that I would watch to be sure she was still with me. The pregnancy had been filled with the worst of emotions and the saddest of thoughts. Out of all of my pregnancies, this was the most stressful physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I made decisions and went back on them. Then I doubted myself and the final decision.
Brianna was born in a rush of tears and heartache. I was afraid I'd look at her and feel nothing at all. Instead, the nurse laid this tiny being on my chest and asked if I wanted to cut her cord. I couldn't even speak for the Love that suddenly overwhelmed all my senses. All my fears fell away as I looked into her face. I felt that she touched my very soul at that moment.
Now there is this young woman who stands eye to eye with me growing everyday into the adult woman she will become. I fear some of her choices. I lose sleep over some of her actions. I've cried and lamented over the things she has done.
I have not regretted one single moment. Not one.
As time passes I'm more and more proud of her actions. I'm hopeful for her future. I am filled with the Love she has brought to my life. Above all, I am filled with gratitude that she is part of my life.