Saturday, November 03, 2012


Some of you may know that I consider this time of the year as the beginning. For anyone wondering about it, I'll try to explain my feelings. It started with reading about Paganism and how the beginning of the year was around Samhain (Halloween). I thought about it a lot before I could accept it. But then it occurred to me to think about it in terms of Life.

We begin in darkness, so to begin the year in the darker time seems to make sense. The shorter days can give us the time to think about the way we want our lives to be, the way we want our Selves to be. We can use the overcast days to gather our strength in Spirit and understanding. We can use the time to learn more about our thoughts and dreams. To really turn corners on learning to forgive the ones we love. And even the ones we don't love. Then, when we have had the chance to work through things internally, we burst free with the sunshine and new life around us in Spring.

Does that make sense?

Right now I'm learning about Love and Forgiveness. Many times over the last decade I have been shown what it means to be loved. And to be forgiven. And yet, how can I truly believe myself to be forgiven if I cannot find it in me to forgive my own self? There are things in my past which I am ashamed of. Selfish actions that hurt others around me and caused them to lose faith in me. I've professed love for someone then walked away without a backward glance. I've belittled people and treated them shabbily only to laugh at their tears. I've justified my actions then scorned others for doing the same. Sometimes when I think about all of that, it scares me a little to know that I was such a person.

And yet... I think I did learn from some of that. I think I did grow beyond that smallness inside. Until I second guess myself, then I wonder if I'm still causing the same level of damage I once did.

There is a person in my life who has taught me about forgiveness. I am constantly amazed at their ability to forgive even some of the most painful actions other people have committed. Even me. They inspire me to be more forgiving of myself and of others. And that, my friends, is one of the things I'll be focusing on as the days grow shorter.

For this new year, I have found freedom.  Freedom from judging myself or others.  Freedom from feeling like I am not smart enough, nice enough, whatever enough. I  honor the Light within me that shines strong enough to guide me. I pick myself up when I stumble. I accept the help of the ones who love me with grace and gratitude. I allow myself to grow into the shining Being I am capable of becoming. I am filled with the knowledge that this is how my Creatrix wills me to be. I believe in Me.

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