Thursday, July 26, 2012

Trying to focus...

My Blue WorldI will admit that there are days I'd much rather stay in bed. I know that's not a positive mental attitude, but there it is. A lot of this summer's mornings have been like that because of the daycare. When kids arrive at 4:45, it's hard to start the day early enough for some time to myself. Yes, they go right to sleep, but there is a part of me always listening for them to wake & need me. This takes its toll on meditation and other things. I've begun meditating before going to bed instead. For the mornings, I study and watch the class videos for the crystal course. I also do my chains in the mornings, but the treadmill... well, I'm still working on that one. By the time they leave for the day (as late as 6:45pm) I've already used up most of my energy. Somehow I need to get this figured out.

In other news, Anthony is home on leave. Well, he's in town. He did spend the first weekend with us and I've seen him a couple times since that. This is typical and I pretty much expected nothing different. I can't help but wonder how his visits would be if we didn't live in this town anymore.

There are other things going on in my life and in my mind that really don't have a place here. I feel things are in a weird state of flux and I can't see the road clearly. I am doing my best to stay focused on the important aspects and let go of the other stuff. For now, I can hear the crickets chirping and the birds are beginning to sing. I will remember that every day is a beautiful day.

(The picture is from SirWiseOwl. Check out his other pictures, too.)

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Passing summer

photoAs the summer progresses I think about the strangeness of time passing. There are days when it seems the time is drawn out, long and tedious. Other times it seems like it can't possibly be so fleeting.

I'm learning a lot lately. About crystals, about meditation, about Me. My journal has some random entries, but mostly it's the sheets of paper where I pour out the anger and fears onto that get my attention. Many of those sheets have been buried while some have been burned. Why do I do this? Because that Rage I once spoke of is still there, just below the surface, and I don't want it spilling out to hurt people I care about. The Earth can take the words and dissolve them into nothing, fire can turn them into ashes. And no one's heart gets broken.

I've also learned that extended, intense competition stresses me a little. I haven't decided if that's a good thing or something I need to overcome. We'll see. I know that I feel so energetic when a new event starts, but then, after a bit of time, I just want it to be finished. I prefer to do things at my own pace and with my own spark. Still, it has been fun.

I hope you all have a wonderful day, filled with beauty and smiles.

Sunday, July 01, 2012

Deletion

There are many times in my life when I forget that my words will hurt someone. And that if my words are passive-aggressive, they will most likely hurt the wrong person. That's precisely what happened with one of my blog posts. The person I was talking about had no clue, while a person very dear to me saw my words on here as being directed at them.

This is one reason why it's so very important to think about what we write on blogs, on social websites, in forums, wherever. Because it really does affect people. And not always the people you want to affect.

The post is now deleted. I only wish it were as simple to delete the hurt along with it.