Thursday, May 24, 2012
She was out there when I took some yarn out to finish drying in the breeze. She didn't run away like she normally does so I decided to talk to her. This time she came halfway across the yard and was talking back to me. I sat down on the porch to see if she'd come closer and she did. All the way up to me. She kept butting her head into my hands and meowing in a deep voice. I couldn't hear if she was purring, but her tail was straight up and fluffy. She seemed pretty happy that someone was paying attention to her.
Then I broke another rule: Never touch a pregnant female's belly without permission. And she bit me pretty hard. I should have expected it. And I felt so bad that I'd caused her to feel defensive while she's in this condition. (I did wash my hand pretty thoroughly, used peroxide, and my salve.)
I know that I could catch her now and have her fixed (it costs more while the cat is pregnant, but they will do it). But... I can't. I know that some would argue that the kittens may just starve to death anyway and that, if they survive, they'd end up being feral cats, too. And some might argue that feral cats don't have the same sense of being that housecats do. But... I can't. She's pregnant. Every bit of her is preparing for the coming of those kittens. She's far enough along that she probably already picked out a place to have them. I just cannot catch her, put her through the worst terror of her life only to have her wake up a day later and not have her kittens still inside her.
Judge me if you will, but I can't do that.
So what will I do when the kittens are born? Well, if she lets me anywhere near them, I will do my best to befriend them all and find them homes. It certainly won't be the first litter I've done that for.
In other news... I realized that Brianna will be a sophomore in a week. What a wonderful mix of emotions that caused! Shock, of course, then happiness for her, then happiness for me.
Then a realization that I've still got a long way to go to stay on track for my own dreams. And that filled me with some pretty powerful emotions, too.
I hope you all find your balance.