Thursday, April 19, 2012
How is it that a person can cry about someone they have never met, never talked with on the phone, and only have shared a smattering of emails?
That is where I am right now. A woman I would call a friend has been going through some major crap and my heart breaks for her struggle and for her pain. There is no cure, only ways to help battle the pain, nausea, fatigue, discomfort, and everything else that has become a part of her daily life.
For a brief moment I felt guilty at my good fortune. I am strong, healthy, and my life is filled with many blessings. I'm getting stronger daily. My body is getting healthier daily. I believe that I will walk the path on the Tor one day. And I felt guilty.
I think I know that she would shake her head at that and tell me not to. And that also makes me want to cry. I believe she's happy for me. For all the good things happening in my life. For all the progress I've shared with her in this short time we've known each other. For my happiness. And, even though I am in tears over this, I know that she would be disappointed in me, such as our friendship is, if I stopped living my life to my best ability.
I had to stop for a bit since this wasn't going how I'd planned when I sat down. The plan was to write about my sacred spaces and how I create them. I'll save that for tomorrow.
Tuesday, April 03, 2012
I wrote an email to a friend yesterday to send her birthday wishes and it occurred to me that I had no idea how old she was. I gave it a little thought and figured she was probably a little younger than me. If I'd thought about it more I might have come to a different conclusion, after all, her kids are fully grown and have been on their own for a few years. When I read her answer this morning I started thinking about how old I am. Forty years, six months and eighteen days have passed since I was born. That seems like a lot. But when I look at how I feel and how my life is improving almost daily I realize that my age is very different. I don't really feel much older than I did when I was twenty-eight.
I'm sure it helps that I eliminated toxic chemicals from my home several years ago, along with a lot of the toiletries we had. I'm sure it helps that I've had a mostly healthy diet for the greater part of my adulthood. I'm sure it helps that I'm eating better now than I ever have.
I thought about this some more as I pedaled away on that bike. I wasn't concerned with my heart health a decade ago. I ran at the park with the kids, walked to the grocery store, danced in the living room... but that was about it. Now? I am sitting my bottom on that seat almost daily and sweating until it drips from my elbows. A decade ago I might have laughed at people who did that.
I think some of the most important factors are the ones that include my friends & loved ones. The support and energy they send out to me, whether through prayers, hugs, texts, emails, whatever, has probably helped me more than anything else to keep my feeling so vibrant and alive.
Even when I'm plagued with nightly dreams that are bad enough to wake me with a scream caught in my throat, I know that they are out there, caring about me, thinking about me, and inspiring me.
I'm sure there is a lot of scientific proof that friends are good for you. I'm in full agreement. Choose your friends wisely, be sure they make you smile, push you a little beyond your limits, cheer for your triumphs and sorrow for your tears. As time passes, I truly think your age will remain untouched.