Saturday, December 31, 2011

End of the year...

Purple Bachelor's Button Bokeh

In less than 12 hours it will be time to change calenders, get used to writing "2012" on our papers, and (hopefully) feel relief that 2011 is behind us.

I chose this picture today because it shows so well how the things up close are easy to see, and what is further down the road won't come into focus until we reach them. Each day brings new focuses and new challenges and it's not always important to know what the view tomorrow will be. Or even an hour from now. Each moment it is important to see the beauty of what is right in front of you.

I've been thinking a lot lately. About my life, the choices I made, the path to get to Here, the possible paths to There, yesterdays, todays, tomorrows. And most of those thoughts have made me glad to be who I am.

I have some very important people in my life right now. The most important ones are Anthony, Brianna, and Kevin. Coming close to them is my Dad and my chosen family (the ones I call Sisters). Without these people in my life, things would be dreary and empty.

I wrote about Kevin last month. I mentioned how he's brought me to my highest highs, as well as my lowest lows. He also has pushed me to grow more than anyone else. And has pushed me to stand my ground in times I'd normally give in. He's the first one I turn to with anything significant: ASC news, issues & triumphs with my children, sorrows and celebrations, fears and hopes. I will be forever grateful for all of that.

My children... There has not been a moment, since I knew of their existences, that has been dull or unimportant. Everything about their lives has touched my own in such a significant way that there really is no way to describe it. I have cried more, feared more, and become more angry than I thought possible. But I've also laughed more, faced more demons, and felt more love than I thought possible. I cannot imagine my life without them. I thank Spirit everyday for their presence in my life.

My Dad has come into my life only in the recent years. Through that, we've learned respect for each other, acceptance of our differences, and are building a wonderful relationship. It's like a chance to start with a clean slate with each other. We can meet each other as adults and grow from there. That is a rare and precious gift, and one that I cherish.

My chosen family... Oh, what a difference they have made to my life! The love and support from them has been overwhelming at times in its beauty. I leaned heavily on them during some really rough times. They encouraged me, loved me, and never let me down. They mean the world to me in more ways than I can describe.

This year has been tough financially, but our bills have gotten paid and we had food in the house. This year has been a roller-coaster emotionally, but I've grown through it and was able to share most of it with others. This year has been frightening physically, but I've learned so much about how to take good care of myself. And, perhaps most important, this year has really stretched my Faith, and even through that, I have felt the presence of Spirit, filling me with the strength to keep going.

Many people might look at my life as not-so-bad or even spectacular. That's really good, because then I can remember that I had a really good year. My loved ones were there through it all, and that made it an amazing year in my life.

I am looking forward to many more.

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