Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Old Times...

Recently a friend posted a question asking "What is it that makes YOU feel like it's old times?" It was a harmless question and one meant to generate conversations. I thought about it. I thought about what I do, or have done, that made me feel that nostalgic sweetness. And nothing came to mind.


So many new things are going on in my life and so many other things are gone forever. 

Sunday mornings with Cinnabons & Starbucks. Summer evenings listening to music while having great conversations. Solstice morning with the kids so excited about what they get to open. These are gone. Part of it is the location. Yes, there are summer evenings here, but the air always seems different, so it feels new instead of "old times".


So many changes. Anthony is an adult now. Brianna's not that far from it. I'm nowhere near where I'd imagined I would be at 40. Different friends, different job, different living situation, different outlook. I have a whole family that I didn't grow up with. I have a whole family that is no longer there. I also have a family that isn't really mine so I don't share memories with them, either.


Part of me is sad that I will not feel that warmth of sharing old times with someone. Part of me is looking forward to the new stuff. They conflict at times. And I feel tears begin at the bitter-sweetness of it all.


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November 18, 2011

I was emailing Anthony the other morning (we kind of have email “chats” on some days) and I shared with him this post and told him ”I know that, for me, there is nothing here that could bring me that feeling, so it’s sad. The summer nights here are so humid that no one really wants to be outdoors, there’s no relief from the heat like there was in Phoenix. The friends I have now are totally different than back then. Anyone who knew me “back then” is no longer even a little part of my life and I’ve grown so far beyond wanting them back (even the family) that it would be more awkward than anything.”

This is what he wrote back to me:

but on the bright side, you started your business despite all of the non-nostalgia. you are living your dream without the “good ol’ day” feeling. Maybe your “Good Ol’ Days” are the ones your living right now. And in 20 years, you’ll look back and say “yes, those were my golden years. They may have been late, but they were the best years of my life”

-

I’m in tears right now for how awesome this kid is!



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