Wednesday, November 23, 2011
The morning wind
I woke this morning around 3:30 thinking that it was time to get out of bed for the day. As my mind came into focus I remembered that I only needed to deal with regular house stuff and knitting and I felt pretty happy about that. Once I looked at the clock I smiled at myself and went back to sleep.
When I woke the second time, I opened the blinds on the back window and looked out at the bare trees. Only a few leaves remain hanging on and I can't help but think about what my yard might look like a month from now. Two months from now.
My mind is whirling with ideas of a project. One that would start on the Solstice when the days begin to gain strength and would last for one year. In the past I've not had the discipline to stay with one whole year of daily projects, but the past is behind me and this is the year for being On Fire. I'm unsure of where my focus would actually be for this project since there are so many ideas. Spiritual teachings, herbs, photographs, writing, knitting, patterns, music, languages... and the list keeps growing. I have so many things I want to do and to try and to experience.
I know that I need to keep my energy balanced and not let myself give to other people to the point I've lost the desire for these things. That's a hard one for me since I express my love for them by giving of myself. And I keep giving until "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread". And then I'm only a fragile shell of the vibrant woman I can be. When this happens, there are a few people who help me take a step back from the worries, who help me with re-balancing, who hug me simply because I look like I need it. These people are some of the most amazing people I know. They love me and support me through those times without making me feel like I'm less.
I feel good knowing that the unbalanced times are fewer. I'm learning more about staying on my path and not getting sidetracked. I'm learning that I can not hold up everyone. These are not easy things to learn, but they are vital to my Spiritual health. What do I do with the hurt I sometimes feel by someone's actions? I haven't learned how to deal with that one yet.
For the time being, I'm going to enjoy the beauty of the blue sky outside my window, the music playing through my speakers, the lovely lace yarn between my fingers, and the warm feeling that comes from loving who I am.