Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Truths

Water Spout!

I had an appointment this morning with a doctor to discuss my lab results. I've been more than a little stressed about this. I've been worried enough that my sleep has been disrupted nearly every night for the last couple of weeks. Even on the days when I felt really good, I also felt that nagging fear that the news would be bad. I've cried about the fear, I've had a hard time enjoying good things around me. And, through this all, I've done my best not to burden my loved ones with the worry, too.

Luckily, the results are nowhere near what I was afraid of. Yes, my sugar count is slightly elevated, but nothing that can't be taken care of here at home. And I will be doing my best to get it completely under control.

The other symptoms? The doctor says that they are most likely stress related. I've been thinking about that most of the morning. It's so easy for me to say that I will just stop stressing about stuff. And yet, I know better. The things I do worry about are real. Some are things that I can change if I work a little harder and a little longer. Other things? Well, they aren't in my control. So... I have to learn to let them go. I don't know how, exactly, since some aspects are an integral part of my life. One way or another, I'll get it figured out. And soon.

Today's weather is not the most pleasant and we might get a little snow by morning. Not enough to stick or anything, just enough to make things more slippery on the roads. Even that won't be a problem, though. The day will go swiftly and smoothly and I'll be ending the day listening to Brianna singing at her concert.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Day 15 of 15 - Thankfulness

Purrrrrrrple Flowerrrrrrrr


What a beautiful day! The air is brisk, the house is warm, cats are purring, and dinner will be awesome.

Today's prompt is "3 things about your life right now that you are thankful for."

My family: My children are the most spectacular blessings a person can imagine. They are healthy and loving and smart and beautiful and, well, completely full of awesome. When each one was born, I knew that I was the luckiest Mom in the Universe. They have helped to keep me focused on what is truly important in life. They have brought such joy to my Spirit that I'm sure they were chosen just for me. Through the years we've shared the strongest bond imaginable. I look forward to continuing my part in their journeys, stepping back when they need to stand on their own, hugging them when they need a little more strength, loving them through it all. 
   Some members of my family have only recently come into my life and I am so glad they found me! My Dad has come to mean the world to me and I am so thankful he's in my life now.  He's been patient while I get to know him as a man. He's welcomed almost every aspect of Me without reservation, and has shown me that paternal love really is as strong as maternal.
   Some of my family is by choice and they are so very special to me. We've shared laughter and pain, we've comforted each other and cheered each other on, we've connected on a level that I never thought possible, and that is also full of awesome. I cannot imagine not having them in my life.

My Self: I am thankful for knowing my own Self as well as I do. And I am so happy to be able to discover more and more beauty in that. The strength, courage, compassion, and love are amazing. The shadows only serve to show how much growth I still have the potential for and I am thankful for those as well. I love my creativity and my sensuality, and my humor, and my intelligence (even when I forget how to spell something). I am so thankful for this gift of Life and the ability to appreciate it.
   As I continue this process of growing and learning more about how I fit into this world, I feel empowered by the Spirit and by the vitality I feel.

Kevin: At no point in my life have I ever known someone like him. His intellect and love of knowledge shines through so brightly that you can't help but to be drawn to it. His passion for life is ever-growing. He has pissed me off more than any other person, and has inspired me more than any other person. As cliche as it sounds, I've experienced my highest highs and my lowest lows with him. He pushes me to be more true to myself than I thought possible. He also brings out the worst in me. In all my life, he's been the only person to touch my life as completely as this. My heart, my soul, my very essence has been intensified.

This has been a wonderful exercise in focusing on what I am really thankful for and I am so glad I participated. May you all feel the wonder of Life.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Day 14 of 15 - Thankfulness

Flowers on the Lawn


Today's prompt is "3 things that make you laugh that you are thankful for."

I have to admit that I don't feel particularly full of laughter today. Nothing is wrong, it just feels like a more somber evening than I thought it would. 

Kevin's quick wit: Many times he will catch me by surprise with something that he says with a straight face, but it's hilarious so I can't help but laugh out loud.


Brianna's snarkiness: Yes, she's a teenage girl, but her sharp tongue and quick words, teamed up with her facial expressions make me laugh. 


My cats' antics: They have me laughing on a daily basis. Between their plaintive begging, races through the house, games of hide-and-seek, and the odd positions they sleep in, they definitely make me laugh.

The morning wind

Mystery flowers in the sun


I woke this morning around 3:30 thinking that it was time to get out of bed for the day. As my mind came into focus I remembered that I only needed to deal with regular house stuff and knitting and I felt pretty happy about that. Once I looked at the clock I smiled at myself and went back to sleep.

When I woke the second time, I opened the blinds on the back window and looked out at the bare trees. Only a few leaves remain hanging on and I can't help but think about what my yard might look like a month from now. Two months from now.

My mind is whirling with ideas of a project. One that would start on the Solstice when the days begin to gain strength and would last for one year. In the past I've not had the discipline to stay with one whole year of daily projects, but the past is behind me and this is the year for being On Fire. I'm unsure of where my focus would actually be for this project since there are so many ideas. Spiritual teachings, herbs, photographs, writing, knitting, patterns, music, languages... and the list keeps growing. I have so many things I want to do and to try and to experience.

I know that I need to keep my energy balanced and not let myself give to other people to the point I've lost the desire for these things. That's a hard one for me since I express my love for them by giving of myself. And I keep giving until "I feel thin, sort of stretched, like butter, scraped over too much bread". And then I'm only a fragile shell of the vibrant woman I can be. When this happens, there are a few people who help me take a step back from the worries, who help me with re-balancing, who hug me simply because I look like I need it. These people are some of the most amazing people I know. They love me and support me through those times without making me feel like I'm less

I feel good knowing that the unbalanced times are fewer. I'm learning more about staying on my path and not getting sidetracked. I'm learning that I can not hold up everyone. These are not easy things to learn, but they are vital to my Spiritual health. What do I do with the hurt I sometimes feel by someone's actions? I haven't learned how to deal with that one yet.

For the time being, I'm going to enjoy the beauty of the blue sky outside my window, the music playing through my speakers, the lovely lace yarn between my fingers, and the warm feeling that comes from loving who I am.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Day 13 of 15 - Thankfulness

Utata Speaks '08 - The Elements

Today's prompt is "3 things about your belief system/faith/spiritual path that you are thankful for."

This is an interesting question and one that really made me think. 

Connection: I feel a greater connection to the sacred Spirit than I did while following other religions. I learned to listen more and observe the way I fit into the world a little. I truly feel as if I'm connected to everything around me. Sometimes that is actually hurtful (when I see intolerance) but most of the time, it just helps me realize how special life is. For almost 14 years, I have felt that connection growing and I have relied heavily on it when things weren't going well for me. I've also reveled in the feeling of that connection during times of great joy.

Flexibility: I love the fact that I can follow a strict set of guidelines for a ritual, or I can totally wing it, depending on how I'm moved at the time. This allows me to enjoy the practice even more. I know that I can take my time when I feel the need for more structure. I can also feel sure in knowing that even a few moments of my time can bring me closer to my center and help connect my Spirit.

Natural: In so many ways, I feel that my chosen path has brought me even closer to nature and living a natural life. I've learned even more about natural healing, have been able to identify more plants, and have been more prone to put my knowledge into action.

-

I know this one is short, but I have several things that need to be accomplished today, and I really need to focus on them. I hope you all have a great day!

Monday, November 21, 2011

Day 12 of 15 - Thankfulness

Winding into the Rain Forest


Today's prompt is "3 things found in Nature that you are thankful for."

If I just put Nature, Nature, and Nature, will that count? No? Okay.

Green: Just the green of the moss, of the leaves, of the grass. Green softly whispering in early spring. Boldly shouting in Summer's heat. Slowly diminishing in Autumn's Chill. Green is one of the loveliest colors of Nature.

Rain: The way it falls softly or pours down. The life it brings and the destruction it can render. The way it smells on the wind in the summer out in the desert. The sound it makes as it hits maple leaves. The cool kiss of moisture on my bare skin. The damp grass after the clouds have gone. Rain makes me feel like tomorrow will be alright.

Sunshine: Nothing can brighten my mood faster than standing in the sunshine. No matter the season, the sun always brings a deep feeling of peace to me and it's better than any drug in the world. Really.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Day 11 of 15 - Thankfulness

Cold Morning Sunrise


Today's prompt is "3 friends who have inspired you that you are thankful for."

As I write this, I think of all the friends I'm truly thankful for and who have helped me through a lot of hard times, and cheered me on when I needed it. How do I choose only 3?


April: Through the time we've known each other, she has inspired me to be healthier, more aware of my Self, and has shown me how fast a friendship can blossom in such a short amount of time. She opened her home up to me and my loved ones with no hesitation and that means the world to me. She has talked me through a couple of times when I began to lose hope in my own heart. She also has been a steady beacon when I'm afraid of tomorrow.

Anna: Even though our friendship ended on a sour note, through the years she was always there for me. I had some really rough times and she helped me through them on so many levels. When I needed a shoulder to cry on, a heart to hear my fears, or a light to help me smile, she was there.

Kevin: He helped me learn what it means to forgive. Not just for the small things, but the really deep ones as well. He helped me to say "yes" to my kids, to laugh more, to dream bigger, to love more fiercely, and to have more faith in my own Self. It is partly because of him that I accept help from others, look for the good in people, and hold a glimmer of hope that tomorrow will be better than yesterday. And love? He has shown me how to accept that on levels I didn't even know existed. These few words can not convey my thankfulness in all of that.


There are so many others who have touched my heart and have helped me through dark times while sharing the Light. I cannot possibly list them all, but I hope they know that they are in my heart.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Day 10 of 15 - Thankfulness

Yellow Flowers with Heart Shaped Petals


Today's prompt is "3 teachers who touched your life that you are thankful for."

 I realize the answers I'll be putting may not fit the way the question is intended, but teachers come from everywhere, right?

Pauline McDowell: This woman was known to me as "Grammie". When I was only eight years old, she taught me a bit about chickens (beheading them, how their insides worked, and cooking). When I was 12, I got to spend a week at her house and she taught me how to sew. That summer, nearly all my clothes were made by me. I've been able to carry those lessons with me through my whole life.

Robert McDowell: The man I called Dad while I was growing up taught me so many things. How to wire a lamp, how to replace a toilet, repairs to a vehicle, how to stay calm when the vehicle is on fire, how to drive, how to choose my battles, and even how to let go.

Eva Crosier: Grandma. She taught me that it takes more strength to be feminine than to be masculine (yes, I can hear several feminists already getting huffy about this one). In this day and age, strong women are expected to be tough and fierce, but she taught me that soft-spoken words can have more of an impact than loud, brash ones. Cussing doesn't make you stronger, but standing firm in your beliefs does. And sometimes, swallowing the pain that a loved one is causing, really is the best way to deal with it. 

-

A huge thank you to Bev, for letting me use her pictures. There will be many more to come. Please click on her picture to see even more of her photography.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Day 9 of 15 - Thankfulness

108: Happy Yule!

Today's prompt is "3 upcoming events that you looking forward to and are thankful for."

This one is actually pretty easy.

Thanksgiving: I get this twice each year, due to family obligations & such. Thursday with my daughter and possibly Kevin. Sunday with everyone (Brianna, Kevin & his kids). I really do enjoy spending the time with them and laughing together.


Yule: This year will be a little challenging since Anthony won't be here, but Brianna and I are going to be making it a wonderful day anyway. I'm thankful for the blessings of the time with my kids, even when they're far away.

My next tattoo: This is actually happening in June and I'm really getting excited about it. I'll be traveling to Asheville and will be staying with friends while I have it done. This tattoo has been in my thoughts for quite some time and I think June would be the best time for it to be done.I'm so glad that I've been able to continue growing and becoming the woman I want to be. This tattoo is a symbol of that growth, those changes, the vitality.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Day 8 of 15 - Thankfulness

Hey! We're just over halfway done. This really has been a great way for me to stay focused about what I'm thankful for.

Today's prompt is "3 things in your home that you are thankful for."

I think it goes without saying that I'm thankful for my daughter, and my cats, so I'm going to focus more on material. Sometimes I think I try too hard to push that kind of thankfulness aside since it seems so... shallow?

My computer/internet: This allows me to connect to so many people, look up information, play music & movies, stay in touch with Anthony better, run my business, find patterns, buy gifts for people, pay my bills, and so much more.


Yarn stash: Okay, okay, I know what some of you are thinking (she's got too much yarn), but I really am thankful for all my yarn (separate from the shop stuff). I have some really beautiful colors and textures and I know that when I'm starting a project, I don't have far to go to find the "just right" yarn. Only rarely do I need to actually make a purchase and that is usually because I'm making a specific gift for soemone.


My plants: A lot of these are unusual plants (orange tree, coffee bush, banana tree) and several of them were gifts. I can tell you who the plants came from, even after several years. I love the way they look scattered through the house and they help me to stay grounded and at peace.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Day 7 of 15 - Thankfulness

Today's prompt is "3 inspirational songs you are thankful for."

Songs have always been important to me. Not just the tune, but the lyrics. Those were the parts that would touch my deepest heart.

Annie's Song, because it sums up how I feel and have felt for a very long time.






Point of Faith because it touches the part of me that keeps forgetting to honor my Self and helps me to refocus.


American Pie because my kids always sing along with me.


Old Times...

Recently a friend posted a question asking "What is it that makes YOU feel like it's old times?" It was a harmless question and one meant to generate conversations. I thought about it. I thought about what I do, or have done, that made me feel that nostalgic sweetness. And nothing came to mind.


So many new things are going on in my life and so many other things are gone forever. 

Sunday mornings with Cinnabons & Starbucks. Summer evenings listening to music while having great conversations. Solstice morning with the kids so excited about what they get to open. These are gone. Part of it is the location. Yes, there are summer evenings here, but the air always seems different, so it feels new instead of "old times".


So many changes. Anthony is an adult now. Brianna's not that far from it. I'm nowhere near where I'd imagined I would be at 40. Different friends, different job, different living situation, different outlook. I have a whole family that I didn't grow up with. I have a whole family that is no longer there. I also have a family that isn't really mine so I don't share memories with them, either.


Part of me is sad that I will not feel that warmth of sharing old times with someone. Part of me is looking forward to the new stuff. They conflict at times. And I feel tears begin at the bitter-sweetness of it all.


-----

November 18, 2011

I was emailing Anthony the other morning (we kind of have email “chats” on some days) and I shared with him this post and told him ”I know that, for me, there is nothing here that could bring me that feeling, so it’s sad. The summer nights here are so humid that no one really wants to be outdoors, there’s no relief from the heat like there was in Phoenix. The friends I have now are totally different than back then. Anyone who knew me “back then” is no longer even a little part of my life and I’ve grown so far beyond wanting them back (even the family) that it would be more awkward than anything.”

This is what he wrote back to me:

but on the bright side, you started your business despite all of the non-nostalgia. you are living your dream without the “good ol’ day” feeling. Maybe your “Good Ol’ Days” are the ones your living right now. And in 20 years, you’ll look back and say “yes, those were my golden years. They may have been late, but they were the best years of my life”

-

I’m in tears right now for how awesome this kid is!



Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Day 6 of 15 - Thankfulness

Today's prompt is "3 things you can see right now that you are thankful for."

Well, this was an interesting prompt. Oddly enough the items were all material, too.

Speakers: I am thankful for these for a couple reasons. They were given to me when my old ones broke (which kind of broke my heart). I've used them to listen to music, news, books, tutorials, and so much more. The stuff that comes from them really helps enhance my life.


Spinning wheel: Oh, the emotions that come up with this! This wheel is truly a work of art and the best part? It came from my friends and was a birthday present. Every time I spin with this, I will think of how wonderful these women are.


Camera: With this device I am able to post pictures in my shop, capture moments of my daughter, the weather, the cats, the flowers, the moon, the World. I love it all.



Monday, November 14, 2011

Day 5 of 15 - Thankfulness



Today's prompt is "3 animals, past or present, that you are thankful for".

Oh, how my animals have blessed my life! I have loved them all and it was a challenge narrowing down to only 3.



Storm: This cat was my companion through 1990 through 1992 and I can't help but smile each time I think of her. She came to me as a tiny ball of fluff during a severe thunderstorm (hence her name) and brought such joy to my heart. During my pregnancy with Anthony, she would nip at my ankles when I'd been standing too long (I was placed on bed-rest at 5 months) and would curl up and sleep on my lap when I sat back down.




Serephina: This cat came to us in the middle of the night and worked her way into all of our hearts. She is a typical cat in the fact that she will accept attention when she wants it and will walk away otherwise. She has this wonderful knack of knowing when I'm feeling a little down and will lay on my lap purring until I can't help but smile.






Aurora: I could say so much about this cat. She is like no feline I've ever had before and I can't even begin to tell of all the smiles and brightness she's brought to my life. She loves to drape herself across our shoulders and sleep, she helps our days to be a bit brighter, she purrs almost constantly, and she is so very playful.



Sunday, November 13, 2011

Day 4 of 15 - Thankfulness

Tiger Lilies


Today's Prompt is "3 things about your childhood that you are thankful for."

It's interesting that I'm actually writing about my childhood this month so this subject has already been on my mind a lot.

Time in Tennessee: I was about eight years old when we moved to Tennessee and I can remember so many different and wonderful memories. I am thankful for the time we spent in the white house in Luray. Those days were filled with so much wonder and magic that it felt like an enchanted time. We had chickens and goats, a vegetable garden, and a neighbor we could barter with for apples, sausage, and more. My mom was happy there and her dreams seemed to flow like water and the times really were happy. 


My Mom's guitar: There are so many songs that she sang to us while playing her guitar, that hardly a week goes by when I don't hear a song that reminds me of her. She played for us regularly when I was little and the memories are still strong.


Books: My life was filled with books. I can remember looking through The Trumpeter Swan when I was only three (I know this because my brother was not walking yet) and marveling over the writing. I knew that they were the ones my Mom would read to me and I wanted to much to read for myself. When I finally did learn (before the age of five), entire worlds opened up to me.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Day 3 of 15 - Thankfulness




Today's prompt is "3 relatives or people from your past that you are thankful for."

 Pastor Tim Sheldon: When my mom chose to home-school me, I lost touch with a lot of my friends (it was still a really weird thing to do back then) and my parents decided that I could make new friends by going to church. I was able to visit a lot of different ones before choosing the Peoria Presbyterian. Pastor Tim was one of the most patient and understand people I'd ever met. When I questioned the gender of God, he answered my questions in a way that made sense to me. When I questioned passages in the Bible, he helped me to understand them. he showed me that it was okay to question the writings of men, and that I was a wonderful person, even if others might not see it.






Carolyn Crosier: My mother was such a confusing person to me. I can remember so much wonder in my early years and so much frustration in the late teens. But she taught me a very strong sense of self-reliance. It is because of her that I can manage my money well, can mend my own clothes, have the determination to fix something even when I don't have the right parts, appreciate Nature, and so much more. I could probably post a whole book about her. 


David B. McClure: I've written of him before, and I will today as well. This man, slow in body due to a severe stroke, but quick of mind, always treated me with respect and kindness. Not once did he make me feel as though I were an outsider to his family. He talked with me as an equal and loved my children for the beautiful people they are. His intelligence shined in his eyes and he loved to laugh. While I didn't have him in my life for many years, the time I did have will always be in my treasured memories.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Day 2 of 15 - Thankfulness



Today's prompt is "3 veterans you know that you are thankful for."

Hmm, to narrow this down to only three.

R.L. Crosier. My Grandpa served 3 years in the Navy during World War II. I remember him as a giant of a man who rose above all of us. He loved joking and playing pranks on us, and was one of the smartest men I knew. Even with his somewhat gruff voice and rough-housing ways, I knew that he loved us. More than that, I knew that he loved my Grandma more than his own life. He also brought a lot of magic to our lives in subtle ways. I know both of his daughters (my mom and aunt) looked up to him and did their best to make him proud, even after becoming adults. 


He liked us to figure out the answers to his questions on our own. I am thankful for all his patience.




Robert R. McDowell. This is the dad that raised me. He served in the Air Force in Korea, but I don't know how many years. I know that, even with his age (38 years older than me), he did his best to raise children young enough to be his grandchildren. 


He like to do things to make us think. I think that is one of the most important lessons I ever learned from him and I'm so thankful for that. It has helped me in so many ways through my life and I hope I've done a good job in passing that on to my own children.



Thomas W. Grubb. This is the dad that gave me life. He served 2 tours in Vietnam (not consecutively.) Through the years we were separated, he did his best to make sure that, when he found us again, we would know that he loved us and thought of us the whole time. After he and my mom went their own ways he didn't have any more children. His reason? He didn't want us to think that he'd replaced us. As we build a relationship after so many years of not knowing each other, I am thankful for his patience and his love.


I have learned a lot about love and forgiveness from him. And I think that is a wondrous thing.


There are so many more veterans I am thankful for, and I hope they all know that they are among the ones I honor today with my prayers, my gratitude, and my love.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Day 1 of 15 - Thankfulness





Today's prompt is "An author, artist and musician you are thankful for."

An author: Most of you may already know that I read a lot of fantasy fiction (Kushiel's Legacy, Mists of Avalon, Lord of the Rings, etc), and even these books give me a lot of inspiration in various areas of my life. Luckily, the prompt didn't ask for "most inspirational" because just coming up with one  would be no easy task. 

I choose Dr Jean Shinoda Bolen. When I first read her book, Crossing to Avalon, I was touched by the journey she took and, even though I was nowhere "mid-life", I was at a heartbreaking crossroads. With her writing, I felt inspired to make a trek of my own. Not necessarily in her footsteps, but in a path all my own. There are spiritual places I will be visiting in this country, hopefully in other countries, and inside my own Self.




An artist: I love beauty in so many forms. Painting, photography, sculpture, it's all lovely to me. When I see something beautiful I am filled with a nearly overwhelming feeling that I am so happy to be alive just so I can witness such a lovely gift.

I am choosing Ansel Adams this time around. I don't have all the keywords that art critics use, but his stuff takes my breath away. In so many of his photos I can see... well, Spirit. From the simplicity of a pine-cone to the grandeur of the Grand Canyon, it all holds so much depth and richness and a sense of being in the moment.


A musician: Music is such an important element of my life. I cannot remember a time when I wasn't touched by melodies and lyrics and how they blended together to create outlets for emotions. Even now, one of the first things I do each day is turn music on. Turning it off is one of the last things I do (if I turn it off at all).

Aeone's music has always had the power to lift my spirits, bring calmness to my day, and fill me with a greater sense of Self. I discovered her more than 10 years ago, when some wondrous changes were taking place in my life and I still associate her music with that Life-affirming time.


And now, I'm going to enjoy the beautiful day I am having.

I also want to add that I'm thankful for the generosity of two photographers who share their work and let me share it, too. GhoSStrider and ACWMaiden

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

15 Days of Thankfulness

One of the blogs I like to read is Cordelia's Cauldron. She always has wonderful and uplifting things and I do strive to be more like that. She also asks that we challenge ourselves a little with some of her questions. A little while ago, she went through 44 Days of Witchery and just now she posted for 15 Days of Thankfulness. I'm going to do my best to join this each day as a wonderful way of focusing on what I am blessed with. Here are the prompts for each day:


I think this would be a really good way to get to know yourself just a little bit better.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Anger...

I've been angry this week. I was determined to let it go, but even today it still bothers me that I am hurt by someone's casual actions. And so, I'm angry at myself for allowing the hurt to happen. And the situation is stupid, really, but it's sitting there, hurting.

So, I decided that I will write about it after all. When I confide in someone, I am sharing a piece of my own spirit. I am trusting that they are strong enough to hold that piece lightly and not to crush it. And I walk away feeling that something is really good in the world. I feel Trust with that person. Maybe not enough to share deeper parts of my spirit with, yet, but the trust is there and it's like a tiny spark, lighting up a dark spot.

When that trust gets broken, for whatever the reason, I try to blow it off, as if it's not a big deal, as if it doesn't hurt. But the day has dimmed a bit. Flavor has dulled. The sun doesn't shine quite as brightly. And still I smile, hoping the feelings will dissipate with a little more time. Instead, I begin to feel small inside. Hard. A little bitter. When I come across that person, my energy sharpens into pinpricks, I don't wish them harm, exactly, but I wish they would not be there.

This is where I am right now. I am hurt and angry. I chide myself for these feelings since I know they will do no good. I meditate on forgiveness. I light my candles in the hopes that I can focus on better things. And the anger wells up, right along with the hurt. I'm supposed to be better than this. I'm supposed to rise above these feelings.

The other person? They don't know the hurt or anger they caused. And I don't see a way to tell them. And so, I'm angry. And hurt. And haven't figured out a way to release it. And that makes me sad since I know it will just cause more issues in other relationships in my life.

I know this will pass. I know I am better than this. I know that my Spirit will rise.