Sunday, August 28, 2011

A small thing...

Sometimes it is the smallest of items that have the most significance. A tiny object can cause great joy, or even deep sorrow. And the impact can come as a surprise when you are not expecting a change in a situation. Sometimes change can be exhilarating, and other times it can be frightening. I've found that many times change can be both at the same time.

Tonight (this morning) I'm thinking about various dreams I had when I was much younger. Dreams of changes in the world around me. Dreams of how my life would be. Dreams of the home I would have. I think about how those have all fallen by the side of the road. Most of the time, those were replaced with something else. When a dream is laid to rest, you're supposed to create another one, right? But what happens when a person has left behind all their old hopes and can no longer find new ones? What happens when they are so tired of knowing that their dreams won't come true that they no longer can find the brighter future?

I think a lot of people have been at that point at least once. What happens to them? Do they have a good friend who will help them face the dawn without trepidation? Do they have a way to bring more Light to their hearts? Do they find a new way to have faith? Or do they begin to fade away in their own Spirit? I wish I knew. I certainly want that for them. I want all people to have hope in their lives, to see the light in their hearts, to find faith, and, mostly, I want them to believe enough to create new dreams.

I am blessed with the people I have in my life. The ones who remind me that I can inspire other people. The ones who listen when I need a sounding board. The ones who tell me the truth, even when it's hard to bear. The ones who give a small token that holds a lot of significance and reminds me that some things are solid and true. The people who love me without  reservation.

I am thankful for those blessings. May you all have a peaceful night.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Summer's decline

By Friday, the length of day will be an hour less than the first of the month. Strange to think of that already. It hit me strongly last night while I was on the phone with my Dad. We were discussing something about the Jeep and I noted how dark it was outside at only 8:45. And, like so many other things lately, it made me stop and think about the passage of time.

Brianna starts high school next week. That seems so strange, and so right, to me. She has a new era of her life to go through and she's just about to begin it. She surprised me with some of the electives that she wants to take. Such as chorus (they call it "choir" up here, but it will always be "chorus" to me.) She has grown to a point where she is willing to sing in front of other people. Granted, it's in a group and her individual voice won't be heard, but at least she's reached that point. Next semester she will be taking welding. I have to admit that I'm a little worried about that one, but I know the teacher will go over all the safety rules that Brianna will need.

And me? I will be returning to my favored schedule of dyeing yarn during the day (instead of into the evening) and listening to a variety of books. I have several things I'm thinking about and this will be a great time to do them.

I hope you are all having a blessed day.

Friday, August 19, 2011

What we do in life...

I've been thinking a lot lately. The way I am isn't always how I want to be and I think that is probably the same for many people. I think about the words I see on the USMC billboards. Honor. Courage. Commitment. True, they are meant to inspire the young people to strive to be more than themselves, but we all can strive for the same.

Honor. Are the things I do really honorable? Can I look back on my life and know that I didn't take a situation and use it for my own pleasure? Can I be certain I did the best I could to be fair to others? Can I look forward and know, without a doubt, that I am honest and have no illicit dealings that hurt my Spirit? Can I look, with clarity, at myself and be proud of the person I am?

Courage. Do I step up to a situation even when it scares the jeebies out of me? Do I help others find their own inner strength?  Do I act in accordance to my beliefs, even in the face of adversity? Do I show fortitude in life?

Commitment. Have I given my all to a situation? Do the people who rely on me know that I will be there for them? Have I stayed the course, even when my responsibilities seem too heavy to bear? Do my loved ones know, by my past actions, that they can count on me to be there for them in times of trouble?

Sadly, there are some questions I have to answer with a, "No." And those are the areas I need to work on. Perhaps some people would say that the "yes" side would outweigh the "no" side, and they might be right. But that doesn't mean the room for improvement is diminutive. On the contrary! The way I would see it is that the "no" side is much heavier in the balance of my Spirit, and even more work is needed to lighten it.

Does all of this mean that I'm in a melancholy mood today? Not in the least. I have the power and energy to continue recreating my life. Each moment, each breath, each blink of my eyes. And with every genesis, the person I wish to be is becoming more and more assured.

...echoes in Eternity.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Adapt... or die

When you look at nature you can see that everything changes and adapts to the environment. Coyotes have learned to scrounge in populated areas, wolves have learned to hunt livestock instead of wildlife, hawks have learned to build nests on ledges of buildings and even mountain lions have been known to hunt in town.

So, as humans, shouldn't we do the same? Yes, we have learned to make our environment change to suit us (which I also believe makes us a weaker species, but that's a post for another day), but we also adapt to the environment we live in. We change to fit the circumstances we are given, to the best of our ability. A person is given a choice: change your eating habits, or diabetes will kill you; learn to use a wheelchair or stay in bed all day; accept the way a loved one is or live without them in your life. And so, people change. Or, they die. Whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally, they die. And they bring down the people around them. When the person changes their food choices, they live longer and their family is happy to have them around. When the person starts moving around town in the wheelchair they are given a different kind of freedom and their friends are happy to see them out & about. When a person opens up enough to accept a loved one's choices (whether career, family size, life partners, religion, politics, etc.) they get the chance to watch their loved one grow and learn.

And even with all that, there are environments we need to stand firm and refuse to adapt to. An abusive relationship, a job that has a dead end, a town that saps your energy. For these things, we need to find our own strength and stand tall, knowing that our refusal to adapt will bring us greater growth of spirit. Even when it takes a long time to get out of that situation. And, it is only up to us to know which environments we should change to suit us, and which ones to adapt to.

I hope you're all having a wonderful night and wake feeling refreshed & alive.

Monday, August 08, 2011


Fading with Time

"But time, keeps flowing like a river, to the sea, to the sea,
Till its gone forever, gone forever, gone forever...
" Eric Woolfson

I've been a little melancholy for the past bit of time. I won't go into detail about it all, but part of it is simply the passage of time and some of the possibilities of the future. I say possibilities because no one really knows what will happen tomorrow, or even today. We're told to live our life to the fullest and to seize the day and even to have no regrets. But, sometimes, I truly wonder just how that can happen. The yesterdays add up and, once in a while, you can look at the mistakes that you made and be glad for the lessons learned, but regret the hurt anyway.

That's when the questions begin. How could I have been a better parent? How could I have been a better spouse? Lover? Friend? Daughter? Granddaughter? Person? Yes, we can make changes at any given moment, but we also must still remember the past so we don't mess things up again.

Even with this "melancholy-ness", I look forward to my tomorrows. Time is passing and I've been looking at some things that it's time to let go of. Not because I want to, but because there aren't other options. And, at the same time, there are new things on the horizon that, I'm hoping, will bring more growth and Life to my life.

Monday, August 01, 2011


Ready for paint

Tonight I'm very tired and will be heading to bed in just a few minutes. Today has been very busy for me. Journaling, casting on more socks, sanding a desk, applying the first coat of paint to the desk, exercising, and dyeing yarn. No wonder I'm ready to nod off in my seat.

Still, I feel really good about this day. This first day of August. Lughnasadh. First Harvest. My harvest isn't anything from my garden, but a wonderful sense of accomplishment and a feeling of looking forward to the next Harvest (Mabon), and, my birthday.

I will be forty this year. That excites and frightens me. But I will be stepping into the next few months with a strong sense of purpose. No matter the losses or lessons, since I know they are what is needed for my growth.

I hope you all had a wonderful and blessed day.