Saturday, July 23, 2011
Storms moved through town yesterday and I couldn't help but to feel awe at the power and beauty in them. The bright flashes of lightning followed immediately by the clap of thunder, all harmonized with the steady downpour of rain to create a wonderful symphony of energy. (If you click on the picture, you'll get to see a much bigger version.)
Before the storm actually hit I was lucky enough to get some cool pictures of the clouds and you can see the formations, which, I must say, is pretty darn cool.
But I also felt a need to look inward as the energy swirled around me. Changes are occurring in my physical and spiritual world and I'm not quite ready for them, yet. So, I'm taking these changes one moment at a time, trying to adjust, trying to stay calm. I know that some of these changes are meant to be and some of them are unstoppable, so I must learn to be stronger through them and hold on for the ride. I know many of the physical changes can be helped with changes to what I eat and to how much I move so I can alleviate some of that. The spiritual changes? Lots of journaling and meditation are in store for me. Above all, staying in touch with my friends who understand these changes and can remind me of how brightly I can shine is one of the most important ways for me to make it through this next step on my journey.
On this stormy, energetically powerful day, I hope you are all feeling positive about your tomorrows.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Some days I wish my parenting was finished. Today is one of those days. Don't get me wrong, I love both of my kids and feel truly blessed to have them in my life. I really do feel they are gifts. It's just that when I have to be the ogre and follow through with the rules/punishments I put in place it creates tension and anger. One of those times is coming up and I'm not looking forward to it. I am fairly certain when I reiterate one of the main rules about cleaning the bedroom, as well as the rule about the cell phone, I will be ignored. I recognize that it's just the way for a teen to push the limits and try to stretch the boundaries. I realize it's a normal thing for a person who is becoming an adult to do. Still, it bothers me that I have to play hardball.
I am pretty certain that Brianna will not clean her room in the time I've given her. I'm also pretty certain she will not stick to the hours she was supposed to work for me. And so, I will have to clean out the room myself (by getting rid of most of what's in there) and I'll have to suspend her phone account.
Am I nervous that she will see this? No, I know she doesn't read any of my blogs. And I can only think of two people who might read it and tell her. Of course, if they did, they would be causing more harm than good since Brianna needs to make her own decisions and learn from the consequences. True, she is still young, but she is old enough to know what she's supposed to do. (Yes, I realize one of those people might tell her just to spite me and the other would tell her "to help her out", but they would be wrong in doing so.)
And so, I sit here tonight in peace and quiet, knowing that the storm is on its way.
Saturday, July 09, 2011
Some mornings are just better for writing than others. This morning was such a morning. The house was quiet, there was a soft breeze coming through the window, and I had so many thoughts rushing through my head that I could hardly lay there a moment longer.
I have been looking back on the way things have turned out in my life. Areas that still need a lot of work, areas that have blossomed beautifully, areas that need to be released, and areas that were finally laid to rest. Through this thought process I came to realize that there are things in my life that still fall into all those categories, or are getting ready to be re-categorized. I can't help but think of how funny it can be when too much significance is placed on one thing or another and how imbalanced everything becomes because of it. We all do this. We all start to focus on one thing or another and then look back and wonder why parts of our lives fell apart. Or we look back and see how enhanced out lives were by certain events.
Does all this sound a little mysterious? I don't mean it to. I just know that I have done a lot of growing and I'm grateful for the chance to continue growing.
Thursday, July 07, 2011
There are times when my online presence is nearly non-existent. Yes, I fill orders and respond to customers, but I don't interact with people. Why does this happen? Mainly because the things in my life are taking away more energy that I am okay with.
Some of these things I can't mention online (like some of the stuff about my son, who is in the Marines), some are not for public display (like my emotions), and some are just not worth mentioning (like worrying about getting the bills covered). And so, I stay out of Ravelry and Facebook. And I turn the music up and take a lot of deep breaths.
Today I'll be on the edge of my seat until I hear some news. When that comes in I'll either be ecstatic or severely angry and sad. Until then, I'm keeping myself busy with dyeing, knitting and music.